Wednesday, June 6, 2012

The 30 Day Challenge - Day 6

Day 6: What is the Hardest Thing You Have Ever Experienced?

A lot of things are hard for me. I have a difficult time with change, and having patience.
I have a hard time dealing with loss.
I have a hard time dealing with separation (even temporary).
I have a hard time not being in control of a situation.
I had a hard time leaving my family once I was married.
(Not that I didn't love my husband, and want to spend all my time with him, it was very hard to accept not going "home" to my parents every night, instead going home to my house with my husband).
I have a hard time making decisions.

I'd say the hardest thing I have had to do recently, was being pregnant.
Not that I had a  "hard" pregnancy, or a hard labor. I just had a hard time accepting I was now on baby-time. My body would be changing, and I had no control over that. And that it wasn't up to me when baby arrived, it was completely up to him. Being pregnant is hard, in its own way. But you change slowly, over 9 months, so you can adapt a bit easier to it. It is emotionally hard on you when the day comes you just can't zip your jeans, no matter what. Or when you can't see your feet (although, I never had that day). When you find out you're expecting, you don't really think of all the changes, but looking back you realize everything changed immediately that day. It's hard work waddling everywhere at 8 months. It's hard being up sick in the middle of the night or morning. It's hard having to eat 40 meals a day, because you can't keep food down, or can only eat very small portions. It's hard looking at the scale every doctor appointment and just convincing yourself it's all 'baby weight', that you're not getting fat and are still beautiful. It's hard accepting that you don't get to decide what day you want baby to arrive, he does, and he gets to decide how long it takes, and ultimately what path your delivery ends up taking (although, you and your doctor do get some input there). It's hard to be 41 weeks pregnant and wonder if that baby is ever going to arrive.
Relinquishing some control over a situation is a very difficult thing to do.

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